


In The Cold, Cold, Night.

by MindAndHeart



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, Love, Philosophy, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:59:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4952611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindAndHeart/pseuds/MindAndHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You need to sleep at night and not to talk heart to heart with the vampire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Cold, Cold, Night.

**Author's Note:**

> Carmilla Season 2 or Carmilla Season 0. Somewhere in between.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I wrapped in a blanket. Looking around, I saw Carm who was sleeping with her back against the wall. Her arms were crossed over the chest. I looked at her, trying to understand how I can not to love her. Why am I so desperate for her love? Finally I realized one thing: despite all dangers and all pain were worth it. I could not let Carmilla die. My heart just ceased to beat because with her death. Sitting on a blanket that Carm gave me, I wrapped myself in a blanket with head, still staring at the vampire. Only now I realized that we had always somewhere between, but never were together.

 

Carm's face was relaxed. Usually, her stern and thoughtful face always absorbed her emotions and feelings. The main thing is that she loves me, I'm sure. This means that her heart is beating in my chest. And my heart is beating in her chest.

 

There is no world in which there would be better without her. When I hurt her, I feel her. I wrapped myself in a blanket, sniffing. When you love someone that means your heart is wrapped in a blanket. I thought about everything at the moment, and I wanted more. I panicked because maybe now, I’m cutting the thread with my own hands that kept my emotions in check.

  
I looked at Carm who mumbled something in her sleep. She was a young but with old soul. She had never been alone. Someone was always around her. Next to her. But she has long been infinitely lonely.

 

I was so scared for her. And I don’t regret it. I don’t regret about anything. I don’t regret that I killed Vordie. I didn’t care. I just wanted to save her. And I did it. Because differently in our history and it could not be. Be a human it means to take responsibility, not just to fill the space. And I took responsibility for the first time. I stopped to fill the space myself and with my silly ideas which could destroy those who I care about. But I could not save Danny ... But I saved Carm. Perhaps it's the balance?

 

“Why are not you sleeping?” I heard the voice of Carmilla, who looked at me.

  
“I don’t want to sleep,” her eyebrow rises skeptically.

  
“You can’t lie, Laura.”

  
“Okay, I’m cold” I sigh. Vampire purses her lips. She got up and came up to me, throwing me a blanket and taking me on a blanket on the floor. Carmilla covered both of us, pulling me to her. I hold her with one hand around the waist, burying my nose in her collarbone. Carm hugged me with both hands, kissing the top of the head.

  
“How are you?” I whisper. Karm sighs.

 

“Today is much better than tomorrow.”

  
“Why is tomorrow?” I raise my head, looking at her face. She immediately rolled her eyes.

  
“Because if you continue in the same way, don’t sleep and being cold, I'm not a good sleep and I will not be in my best mood.”

 

I frowned.

  
“Carm?”

 

“Yes, what?” Carmilla makes me move away from her, as it allowed a blanket on the floor, stopping to hug the waist. Carm lowered her eyes, looking at me with displeasure.

 

“No. Nothing,” I mumbled, looking down and turning away from her on the other side. “Goodnight.”

 

There was silence between us in a couple of minutes of. Suddenly, Carm hugged me, turning me over on my back. Her nose buried on my cheek. She exhaled loudly. Her warm breath tickled my skin. I involuntarily smiled. I squeezed warm hands with my cold fingers. Let me feel your warm presence in my life. Let me see your face in every day. Let the moments never run out with you. Let me find the light in your darkness. Don’t hide your feelings from me. Never. Let your love be my guide. Be my constant companion of life.

 

“How many times will you forgive me?” this question came out of my mouth before I had time to think about.

 

“How much I love you. And not a day more,” the vampire replied without hesitation in a second. “I love the pain when you hurt me. It hurts me, because I love you. I love you, Laura, please, don’t hurt me.”

 

I think she whispered it in a dream, gently kissing me on the cheek. I think I understand the meaning of the phrase, that those who love always to wear the scars. Carmilla and I covered with scars from top to toe.

 

“Carm?”

 

“Yeah?”

  
  
“What do you know about love? Besides the fact that you love me.”

 

“Laura, what is silly question?” Carm pulled away from me, but continued to hug me. I turned my head toward her, meeting with dark eyes.

 

“It's just human curiosity ...”

 

“I know that love doesn’t last long. Love tempts, entices, promises and then betrays. And then you are left alone with yourself,” she exhaled, closing her eyes.

 

“Wow, it seems, once your heart was really crushed,” I draw the conclusion. Carm opened her eyes, looking at me blankly.

 

“Yes. You did,” I looked away, knowing that it was true. “The possibility that someone can love me, always seemed to me so far as the most beautiful dream, as the happiest fairytale that I make up for myself. I live only in the past, because there is nothing else in my life, Laura. Even our relationship. Our relationship is in the past. Our relationship will always be in my past eternity.”

 

“What is the connection between our relationship and eternity?” I take my hand out of the blanket, putting my hand on her cheek. The vampire smiled.

 

“I love you, it's forever.”

 

And I want to burst into tears at her words. I understand that our common soul burns will not heal quickly.

 

“You never believe, but I’m looking for you for a long time in my dreams,” Carm opened her eyes, tenderly looking at me. “You know, my way to you was much more than love. And then, when I realized that I fell in love with you without memory and I understood that your faults to me means nothing, as your actions for which I will forgive you as much as I love you ... I understood that everything is possible. Everything. Don’t believe me? I didn’t believe until I met you. I have conquered the world for you. If you want to. It seems to me that I didn’t have enough of eternity to tell you about my feelings. But there is only one word ... Do you want to hear it again?”

  
  
“Yes ...” I whispered.

 

“Love,” it was like a shot which struck her victim right on target. True love is to love those whom no one has ever loved. “What are we to the world, Laura, if we belong to each other?”

  
“But ... we became too often quarrel,” I draw the conclusion, grinning ruefully.

  
“Maybe we are not compatible?” she concluded. I was kissing me on the nose, then the cheek, then on the chin.

  
“Maybe,” I exhaled, knowing that this is the vilest lie in the world.

  
“And what do we do?” she asked the question.

  
“Combines,” I shrugged.

 

“Everybody is against our relationship,” Carmilla stoke her nose into my neck, taking a deep breath. “We spend more time defending our relationship than enjoying them. Do you know who most against our relations is? We are. We are against. We try to protect them; but ... unfortunately, things are not as they should be. It seems that we enjoy plenty of each other, and no longer can.”

 

“It's not …” love is the desire. It's very selfish. I believe that all this does not make sense. God. How I wanted to belong only to her.

 

“Carm,” I hugged her neck. Our noses touched themselves. Carmilla’s eyes closed, breathing steady. I kissed her nose, causing her to wince.

 

“I. Want. You. To. Love. Me,” clearly pronouncing every word, I whispered. “Right. Now.”

 

Carm pulled away from me, opening her eyes which were dark enough that there were no visible pupils. Vampire stopped hugging me, lowering her hands lower and unbuttoning a button and zipper on my jeans. Her hand slipped under the elastic of underwear, touching the clit. My hips twitched toward her fingers.

 

How many women have you had before me? How many of them did you love? How many times after sex you're lying on someone else's body? How many times have you dressed and went off to nowhere, leaving crying the next idiot in love with you?

 

I moaned softly when two fingers slowly entered me. I grabbed her hair and gently pulled, glaring at her lips with a kiss. I slightly open mouth, allowing Carmilla’s tongue broke into my mouth until her fingers moved slowly in me. I moved my hips toward her fingers, silently asking her to speed up. Carm smiled in a kiss, biting my bottom lip. The thumb pressed a couple of times on the clit, making me cry out and squeezing her fingers. Carm made a sound like purring. Her lips touched my cheek. I'm blissful grin.

 

Carm pulled out her fingers, putting her hand on my thigh when I hugged her. Her hot breath burned my skin.

 

“I told you that I love you?” I asked timidly.

 

“No. But you gave me a proof of your love. It's much better.”


End file.
